Winning!!!

This weekend was Orange 1's birthday which shall eventually get its own post with pictures but for now enjoy this view of the cupcakes. I'm such an awesome mom. Total win!

This Week

This week:

We did a photo session but it was raining so we only did half of it. I'm actually quite excited about the rain pictures, I love to play in the rain. We wore our rubber boots and I wore my bumble bee sweater, which I totally love. I basically went to the store and bought this picture. 

Obviously I already owned pink boots, but mine aren't quite as cute. Once we get proofs I'll post some up. I hope they turn out, I'm quite excited. 

I pinched my bum nerve some more so I walk really funny.

Despite said pinchy bit I still went to see Tad this week.

Tad and I did "Strip sets". He told me what we were going to do and I said "pardon me?" and he said "strip sets" and I said "Hang on, I have to text my husband. He's going to love this."

Three is very kicky. I like it a lot.

Three still doesn't have a name. I'm convinced its a boy. I think once you have two boys in order to get a girl you have to go to number five or six and husband says there is just no way. I said if three is a boy I want to have four or a puppy and he said I could have a divorce. 

I can't decide what I want for mothers day. A lawn lion? Tickets to Glass Tiger? A loungy chair for the back yard? It's so hard. What did you ask for?

I want this coffee maker. It does everything but whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Actually, it probably does that too. I think this may be my tax return present. This would not make a good mothers day present as I don't drink coffee while pregnant so it would be like giving me a bottle of wine, I would probably get mad and then cry.

Husband is increasingly afraid of me. I know this because I asked him to set up the crib and he did it. Same day even. This never happens. I should be happy but I actually felt a little sad because I know it was out of fear. 

Husband steals my pillows every night. Why sir, why? He says he doesn't mean to but he still does it. Yesterday I went to Walmart and they had a sale on pillows so I bought some new ones. Last night when he came to bed there were seven pillows on his side of the bed. I thought it was funny. 

While in Walmart a woman farted on me. We were the only two within twenty feet and she just dropped a bomb on me. I don't like Walmart.

How was your week? 

Conversations With My Husband

This week I got a personal trainer. I'm completely bored on the elliptical and my arms are getting all wobbly and can't do anything other than elliptical with my pinchy bum nerve so I thought: Do it! I had a great time, it's been 3 days and I still can't lift my arms just right which if you think about it is great weight control technique as it takes great effort to get food to my mouth so I have to really want it.

Post training session with trainer

Husband "How was your personal trainer?"

Me " Was good"

Husband "What did you do?"

Me,  Thoughtfully and with meaning "Well Tad had me rub oil on his chest for an hour. I didn't really understand why but you know he was right, I'm really starting to feel the burn" (note: am making Karate Kid wax on wax off motion)

Husband (cold stare)

Me " Fine. His name isn't Tad, he's much older and has a daughter my age plus grandkids"

Husband" Well now I know you're just lying" Leaves room (was truth, honest to goodness)

2 Hours later 

Me, shouting frantically down stairs "Husband! Husband!" (I use his actual name) 

Husband (comes running) "What is it?"

Me, solemnly "Do you know Tad has thighs the size of tree trunks?"

Husband "mild profanity" Does not think I'm funny. I however laugh for an hour. 

Next Day, from work send following text:

In The Night

Last night I woke up with dead arm. You know when you've been sleeping on it and it goes completely useless. I couldn't even lift it up, had to use my other arm.  Was I concerned about said dead arm? The fact that it was also kinda puffy? No. No I was not, because just prior I had been having a dream about being a pregnant thirty something cheerleader and I was so concerned and heat wrenchingly upset about the end of my pregnant middle age cheer leading career that I wanted to wake my husband up so we could discuss it but I couldn't roll over due to the dead arm. I almost cried. Then I went back to sleep. 

What does this say about me? 

And there was love, lost

I am both saddened and disappointed to have to bring you the following news. Yesterday, the worst happened.  I had a terrible Salami sandwich and I fear we have broken up. It may be irreparable. I'm sorry salami, it's not you, it's me? Except that it's you. I'm not even sure we can be friends for quite a while. Please know I am moving on and will be trying to spend time with my new love, turkey. 

Love K

Salami